“Go and see this movie completely disregarding the name, and you will enjoy yourself.”

Last night I saw 10 Cloverfield Lane, and what you are about to read is me being as unbiased as humanly possible. My review will not have any spoilers, but after I give my rating I will go into specifics about my feelings on the movie. I just want to begin by saying THIS IS NOT A CLOVERFIELD SEQUEL! If you are a fan of the original Cloverfield, and want to see this one because of the name alone, it will not be what you are hoping for. Go and see this movie completely disregarding the name, and you will enjoy yourself. 10 Cloverfield Lane follows Michelle, played by Mary Elizabeth Winstead, who after having a car accident wakes up in an underground bunker with a man who claims the world outside has ended and he saved her by bringing her to the bunker. The movie then plays as a thriller as you start to learn more about the characters and start to question if there is even anything wrong in the outside world.

I feel like I have to point it out again, this is not a sequel to the 2008 movie Cloverfield. It is a thriller about people living in a bunker. That being said, the movie was very well done. It was intense from start to finish, and that was accomplished via not only the writing but the portrayal of the characters. John Goodman plays Howard (the man who owns the bunker) as a man who has just enough wrong with him that you question every move he makes. Honestly, I think it was John Goodman’s performance that made the movie. That’s not to say that the other actors didn’t pull their weight. Mary Elizabeth Winstead plays a great version of the “damsel in distress” that we have seen before, but she plays it differently. She uses ingenuity and intelligence to manoeuvre situations and try to survive instead of just playing the victim. John Gallagher Jr., who plays Emmet, does a good job of playing a guy who is kind of an underachiever, but is always trying to lighten the mood in dark situations. Like I said, the acting was great, and the writing was also phenomenal. The soundtrack was very well done as well, and really accentuated the feeling of the characters as well as the tone of the scenes. The only problem I had with the movie was the ending, as it felt very much like a different movie. Honestly, the movie would have been better had the movie ended 10 minutes sooner, but this is not a huge downfall of the movie because as I said it is only 10 minutes.

Overall, 10 Cloverfield Lane is a very intense thriller that is wonderfully acted and glues you to the edge of your seat.

I give 10 Cloverfield Lane a B

WHAT FOLLOWS ARE MAJOR SPOILERS FOR 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE. IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE DON’T READ AHEAD.

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SPOILERS!

FUCKING ALIENS?! Really? Out of all of the things it could have been you chose fucking ALIENS?????!!!!! WHY? Aliens are the least inspired “monster” that can be in a movie because they can be literally anything. The thing that intrigued me about the first Cloverfield Monster was that it came from our planet, and it was like nothing we had ever seen before. That’s what made it fucking scary. As soon as it is aliens, it stops being scary because space is so huge that literally anything can fucking be in space. And the aliens didn’t even look cool. The fucking little one was like a gorilla had sex with a disco ball, and the big space ship was like a weird mix of a transformer and a squid. Not that the aliens are even in the movie long enough to get a look them. FUCK! I’m beyond upset at the ending of this movie because it FUCKING RUINS EVERYTHING! I’m aware that everybody and their mother were doing interviews saying shit like “this isn’t a sequel, we are making an anthology”. Well what the fuck are you going to do for the next movie? Is it always going to be aliens now, or are you going to throw me another fucking curveball and make the next Cloverfield movie about fucking politics. The thing that hurt me the most was the use of the Cloverfield name. When I woke up one morning and I saw a trailer on youtube for 10 Cloverfield Lane, I was over the moon. Finally we get a sequel for one of the best found footage/monster movies ever made. And then I read the script for the Cellar, and realized that the movie may or may not be directly tied to the original, but they could still make it in the same timeline. Instead they went with fucking aliens. And it’s not just the title that makes me angry, its the use of the word Cloverfield itself. In the first movie, Cloverfield was the name of the incident when a fucking giant ass monster attacked New York, and in this movie it is literally an address. What the fuck is that shit. They could have called the movie literally anything else and I would have been okay with it. Actually,  I still would have had problems with it because the ending was pretty shitty and aliens themselves are a tired concept, but still it would have been better than calling it 10 Cloverfield Lane. I just feel betrayed. And people are going to argue with me until the end of time and say that JJ Abrams himself said it was an anthology, but this movie has absolutely NOTHING to do with Cloverfield. The fucking events didn’t even happen in the same fucking universe. WHAT THE FUCK! That’s like saying that the Shawshank Redemption and Bruce Almighty are part of an anthology because Morgan Freeman is in both of them! FUCK! And I still don’t now when the movie takes place. That’s not so much a slight against the movie, I am just confused. I’m following the ARG, and Howard is constantly trying to get in touch with Megan, but then in the movie he’s just like “Oh yeah, Megan is dead”. WHAT THE FUCK! goddamn it. But like I said, that’s not so much a problem I have with the movie itself, I’m just angry and trying to vent my frustration. And the ARG is still going on I believe, so hopefully my questions will be answered. I just felt like Whoever the fuck is in charge, saw this movie being made and said “let’s put Cloverfield in the title” because they knew that it would be guaranteed ticket sales from people who wanted a sequel. And the main argument to that is that many people don’t tare about Cloverfield anymore, but my point is that regardless of how small it is, they knew they had guaranteed sales. They had a jumping off point so that when the people who liked Cloverfield saw the movie, they would tell their friends to go and see the movie, and then the cycle would continue. I feel like I’m just rambling now, so I’m going to wrap it up. Suffice it to say, I feel betrayed and I won’t be seeing the next “Cloverfield” movie.

My original, objective, review still stands, but add one broken heart to it.