“Oh no.”

Well, it’s been one hell of a journey but I’m finally finished. I watched all available Halloween movies, in release order, in one week. And luckily my adventure ended on a high note with Rob Zombie’s Halloween II. Much like the original Halloween II, this movie picks up directly after the first with Laurie being taken to the hospital. The film then follows Michael Myers as he tries to finish what he started.

So Halloween II starts off a little weird, and honestly I was kind of scared that it would be more of the same. We got this terrible audio montage that I guess was trying to remind us what happened in the last film, but all it did was disorient me. Then we were introduced to two of the most ‘Rob Zombie’ characters ever written in the two coroners that transport Michael Myers’ body. This is where I thought the movie was definitely going to take a turn. As soon as you have one of your characters even insinuate that they want to have sex with a dead body, there is very little chance that your movie can recover. There is even less of a chance to recover when that character starts to win-over the other with the idea.

One thing I did like about the beginning of the movie was showing the toll that her encounter with Michael Myers had on Laurie Strode. At first I wasn’t a fan of the surgery scene becasue it’s more ‘gorror’, but when I thought about it more it started to win me over. We always see these horror movies with the main character fighting for their life against an unstoppable force. This time we actually get to see the toll that it takes on them. Sure seeing doctors pull shards of glass out of Laurie’s stomach and stitch up her face was a cheap way to gross-out the audience, but in my opinion it served an interesting purpose to the story and offered a point of view that we don’t often get to see as an audience.

And then it happened: Just as suddenly as the movie began, Michael was in the hospital. And let me tell you, this is quite possibly the best thing Rob Zombie has ever shot. Halloween II doesn’t exactly follow the original story, save for them both taking place in a hospital, but that’s okay becasue this isn’t the original Michael Myers. The entire time Michael was hunting down Laurie, as she discovered what he had to do to get to her, kept me glued to the edge of my seat. I felt that Zombie perfectly captured the unstoppable nature that makes Michael Myers so iconic, and also was able to inject a lot of modern filmmaking styles into these scenes to make it effective for modern audiences.

Overall Halloween II might be the best this series has been since, well, Halloween II. Although there is a bit of a stumble at the beginning of the movie, I felt that Rob Zom— what?

What do you mean the movie doesn’t end there? It’s the hospital, like the original one. Of course it ends there. What do you mean that’s only the first thirty minutes? Oh no.

Why is Loomis a dick? It’s so out of character. He’s a womanizer who is using Michael Myers to get laid. And why is Michael talking? That’s like the one thing he doesn’t do. Why did they recast his child version anyway? It’s only been two years, the original kid could have come back. And why is Michael’s mom in every scene? Is that Rob Zombie’s way to supplement his family’s income? What’s that white horse mean? And why does Michael want to kill Laurie? And what’s up with that demonic tea party?

Oh no.

I give Halloween II an F